Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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