Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
