My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
