weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
