Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
