He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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