she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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