Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
