eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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