where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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