hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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