My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize