The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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