i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
