So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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