Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
