Sry I called you an 8
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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