my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
