My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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