this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
