it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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