I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
