Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
