He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
