i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
