Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
