I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
