I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
