I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
