Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she told me i tasted like america
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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