she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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