Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
