soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do vagina's smell?
i will never coherently bang her
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize