the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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