WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
