How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
