i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
