He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
