I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
