So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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