i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
