He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
