why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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