I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
