So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
