found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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