I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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