ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
