you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
