So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
