I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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