When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
