You're my little dorito
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
