I can text with my tongue
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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