i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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