Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
