i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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